It’s probably my own fault that I’m not totally on top of my game right now but whatever, no need to place the blame on anyone or anything.
I’m not even obligated to manage the office at work, but as it happens I’ve suddenly come into the position where I have no choice but to because everyone is either new, or doesn’t give a shit anymore because no one knows exactly what’s happenning. The most responsible thing to do was to step up and solve this shit, but this shit is starting to sound unsolvable. I don’t know why I’m letting it get to me because ultimately it really isn’t my problem - it’s something my bosses have to figure out but since one or them is definitely leaving and the other one is still pending on the list, it seems like there’s no one to go to. No one knows who our future boss is either.
And with school this whole textbook thing is pissing me off. It doesn’t help that people on facebook are freaking the fuck out about textbooks….something you won’t even look at again after using it. Last year it was crazy, I swear school was sapping me dry of money. Every so often some professor or course coordinator would email us and tell us we would need some sort of equipment that we’d have to buy ourselves. First it was a bp cuff, then we couldn’t wear regular white running shoes in the hospital so we had to shell out for special shoes, which was HORSE SHIT because when I got to the hospital EVERYONE was wearing colourful Nikes.
And that’s another thing that worries me. This coming year, I’ve voluntarily cut my shifts down by more than one half, which is a far cry from my working 24 hour weeks as well as attending school full time in first year. I know that things get a lot more heavy this year and so maybe even working twice a week could be pushing it but I haven’t worked so few hours since, well, ever. I’m worried because although I’m not a big spender, I like to be able to freely buy things without worrying about saving up, because essentially I am an unconscious saver. But I fear that working significantly less hours that what I’m used to will cause me to be very conscious about my spending and lead me to worry more than I should about money. Money has never been an issue for me, and I’ve always been quite satisfied with what I have, which is why I feel like I could have a lot to lose.
In any case, it’s out of my control. Even if I wanted to work, I can’t because my schedule dictates what I can and cannot do. All I can do this point is to hope for the best, and put forward my best efforts to succeed. I’m actually really lucky to have such a flexible schedule at work, and the ability to pick what days I want.
So….maybe this could be the best possible outcome that could have arose in this situation? That thought has occurred to me, but it seems unlikely somehow.